It's just "words"
It seems strange that our words can have so much power over us. We are the ones using them right? We speak or write them into being.
The reality is that we are in constant communication with the world around us...We nonverbally send signals to others about our emotional state, attitude, and even physical or mental presence. This is in part why I try to impress upon my students that instinctually pulling out your phone because you're bored is sending an indirect "f*you" to people around you choosing to spend time with you. I'm not perfect: I find myself doing it from time to time, and even feel justfied when the current sitaution doesn't requrie my immediate active response.
Back to the matter at hand: Words. Language, or words and how we use them, have varying degrees of power. Without getting into heavy language theory, some word choices doing things for us: "I do" (when marrying), "I'll be there" (making a commitment that has implications for your character), or "I'm sorry" (and all the meaning that comes with an apology).
Another example: Think of a word that offends you. Reading or hearing that word evokes an emotional response in you. And maybe action. Ulitmately it's just a word right? That's one form of power, to be able to do that to you, and others.
Note: Powerless language is fine, but can potentially be bundled together by others as a representation of your personality or identity if used disproportionately. Think of more powerful language clearly asserting something being done, or saying something about the relationships with others...powerless language tends to more observational, and features more verbal disfluencies (uh ah, eh), hedges ("I might be wrong but,..."), and final "tag" questions ("That could work right?). While these might appear to just be polite or appeasing, by doing so it puts the other person in the position to have the final or more authoritative say, easily.
Flipping around on the internet, I found a recent article which profiled the work of Stanford professor ("ooh 'Stanford', there is a powerful word") Bernard Roth. He's actually a Professor of Engineering, which is suprising. Not that engineers don't use words in ways that they can become experts on them, but that there isn't a communication expert pulled in on this. We have engineers writing about our subject matter expertise (e.g., I'm not writing books about physcial bridges). So that's an opportunity.
Anyway...From his book "The Achievement Habit," two phrases to eliminate from your vocabulary to be more successful:
1) Swap 'but' for 'and': So rather than say "I want to spend time with my family, but I have work to do..." instead say "I want to spend time with my family and I have work to do. Why? It makes you think instead of making a trade-off (family or work) to instead more creative solutions (family and work, how can I do low stakes things while the family is getting ready or maybe in the car on the way to an event, rather than not going at all?)
2) Swap 'have to' for 'want to': This one is more obvious to me than the one above. "Have to" implies that someone is requiring you do something, and places you in victim role; Many times the things we do are expressed as a "have to", but is instead a "want to." For instance, "I have to do school work." Sad face. While school work may seem tedious, the big picture is a degree and eventually rewarding career. Remember, just because you "want to" do something doesn't mean you have to be thrilled...it could mean that "I want ice cream!" But it could be just acknowledging that this is something important to do.
Confession time: I've learned that writing/research productivity is in part working when I don't feel like it. I can't just wait until "the iron is hot" or when I'm truly in the mood. Part of that is recognizing that there may be some "pain-points" in the process or friction getting moving. In the large scale of having a successful career and realizing that goal isn't necessarily supposed to be easy, I actually "want to" commit myself to that time each day, making progress.
Reference:
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/stanford-professor-says-eliminating-2-153500571.html
Image credit: http://bit.ly/1QSQngq
