Quick Post: Love Languages

"Love languages" and the book by Dr. Gary Chapman associated with the popularity of the concept has been around the popular culture "we read together!" couple's circles for a few years, so this post isn't really meant to break any new ground.

I found this image on reddit or flipping through imgur one night this past month and it reminded me really practically of the power of communication in the ongoing happiness and satifaction you encounter in your relationship. If we all have different tastes in terms of what makes us happy, it would be ideal if our partner acknowledged this and returned it.

Sounds simple right? The fallacy (i.e., error in logic) behind this is what we like for ourselves we assume others like (e.g., gifts). After all they like you, and you like so many simliar things, so your pleasure points must be the same right? So when we provide that manifestation of "love," and giving that doesn't have the effect we're looking for (afterall, it's because that is not your partner's preferred 'love language') it's a frustrating experience. Imagine the poor sucker that just keeps providing their partner the same form of love over and over again, through years even, without realizing they aren't giving what that person really wants.

The flip side of that of course is well why doesn't the person receiving the "poorly matched" form of love say "Hey man/lady, this is nice but I'd rather get _______!" Well sometimes we don't even know what we want, so we settle for "meh," or maybe we love "words of affirmation" but our partner is really bad at it. That's a going to be a challenge in your relationship, and maybe a reason why you should find another love language that matters to you that your partner is good at.

For instance, I know a couple that the wife loves "Acts of Service," and "Receiving Gifts" as her primary Love Languages. She likes the others, but those two named above make her the most happy and feel most loved. The husband isn't great at gift giving, and the household budget has been strapped for years with other expensive purchases. What does he do? Double-down on the Acts of Service, and Gift meaningfully (not expensively) when he can.

If anything, even if you don't necessarily believe in it (which is a whole other interesting idea, the belief of not in pop-communication or psychological findings), this is a useful way to think more critically about you and your partner's happiness, as well as other couples.

References:

Check out Dr. Gary Chapman's extended works here:

http://www.amazon.com/Gary-Chapman/e/B00BB9NQKA